Breaking News

May 23, 2007
parody as of 6:03:03 PM

Going with the development of technlogy, the Ateneo community engaged in online enlisment, the first in Ateneo history. Seniors were subjected to the relatively untested process of enlisting from any internet capable computer. As expected though, disaster struck.

Students were unable to enlist properly, as many were unable to load even the login page of the AISIS system. Some students who were able to enter to the enlisment page, were unfortunately suprised that the page could not load and they were subsequently logged out. Some report that it took them more than 7 hours just to enlist one subject.

When approached for comment, Ateneo AISIS manager Asa Quayo has this to say:
" There was an unexpected failure of the server, as people were connecting to see the schedules for showing of Shrek 3 and Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End. Some people were even connecting to AISIS to reserve seats for Spiderman 3. My God! It's been open for weeks, and now these people are just overloading the server."

A source close to the AISIS System Management and the Enlisment Committee has said that they were very prepared for the enlisment. They just weren't prepared for the failure of enlisment.

Several students have voiced their outcries against the AISIS management and some have reportedly called the offices to give them a piece of their minds, shouting @$%$@^% at the officers!

Students have lined up as early as 6 AM at the RSF Computer Laboratory to get computers for enlisment. When approached, a student said that with the line so long, he thought it was the line to get tickets for the next UAAP Basketball Game between Ateneo and La Salle. "Akala ko pila yun sa UAAP, eh yung iba pinariringgan ko pa nga kasi mga mukhang scalper. Enlistment lang pala."

Other students flocked internet cafes along Katipunan to enlist their classes. Saddened with the slow paced loading pages, many have resorted to play games like DoTA, Counterstrike, O2Jam and the like. Others have vented out their frustrations by going to Tia Maria's, Drew's and MeatShop as early as 10 AM.

Ate Madz, a waitress at Drew's had this to say: "Ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng ganitong karaming estudyanteng gustong maglasing. Di pa kami napuno ng ganito. Akala ko nagbagsakan sa mga subject, yun palang enlistment na yun ang dahilan."

Other students have resolved to dirty tactics just to heighten their chances of enlisting. Rumors spread that the enlisment period has been suspended at about 1 PM and would be back 8 AM the next day. Other people have posted "Enlistment Tips" to speed up the enlistment time like pressing Alt+F4, Clicking the BACK button on the browser multiple times, and clicking the "Sign Out" link.

Many students have also expressed their dissatisfaction through YM status messages like "AISIS-maryosep."

Most students though, have accepted their fate of non-enlistment and abandoned all hope. "Ayoko na, lilipat na lang ako ng La Salle," said Ignatius of Loyola, as he stood up, took his sword, and left.